so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
