that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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