I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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