There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
