If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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