a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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