I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
