I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The air was thick with penises
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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