I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
