hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
look no pants
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
