she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
