he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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