Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
