It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
