We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
