Can Purell be used as lube?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I need a burrito and a hug.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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