theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
