U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
