xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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