I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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