I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
