i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
