do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We are two peas in an std pod
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
