So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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