Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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