did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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