1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is the high leading the old right now
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
