David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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