Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
