i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
