Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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