Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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