dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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