I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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