i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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