Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
