i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
