I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
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