My Higher Power is John Stamos
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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