Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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