I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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