FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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