i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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