he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
