can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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