Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
there's paper in my vomit.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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