This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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