Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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