my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
