as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
