I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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