everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
