i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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