There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
