i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
